What we're learning..
Josiah and I felt like there were things that the Lord was giving us over the years in our personal journaling or teachings we've been impacted by. This is a separate, quiet space for us to record some of those musings apart from our newsletters. If you found it, we hope it benefits you!
Chai
11/10/25
For the first time in almost 2 years, I thought to myself this morning, I would love a cup of chai. Maybe I’ll make one just for myself. At once, something felt awkward about that. There was no house helper scrubbing pots beside me that I wanted to communicate love and friendship to. There were no ladies with bibles open nearby. No pastors in the living room waiting on my hospitality. There was no one else in need, I just had a desire for the drink of my place and my people.
In America, I would drink chai all the time. Not in my own home, that was about 5 more steps than my automatic coffee maker. For the sake of efficiency, chai takes a backseat. But my coffee shop order is a chai latte with soy milk. I love it there. The taste is a little different. Probably more artificially flavored and sugared up, but it’s my go-to treat nonetheless as I would pursue around target or roll into a meeting.
Craving chai for myself really made me pause. It also made me think of my relationship with the Lord here. Often times I’m in the Word and prayer for the sake of the work. As I read, I quietly note to myself “Ooh that’s good, I should prep a devo on this.” Or “My [spouse, teammate, friend] needs to read this.. it could help them.” Or “I should figure out how to say this in Hindi, I could try and share it at church on Sunday”
This morning I was in John 8, reading about the voice of the Good Shepherd. Jesus is telling the pharisees that they do not know him, they do not recognize him, because they are not of God. Those who are of God know the voice of their shepherd and will follow HIm. I think about my desire for the voice of my shepherd as I read. It’s been a long time since I can testify that my time in the word has been a delight to my heart. It’s felt empty of the shepherd’s voice. Or maybe I’ve just turned my head from inclining my ear to listen and instead am listening to my kid’s monitors, a news podcast, or my friend’s voice messages. Those sounds feel more like my duty, my responsibility, my comfort in times of trouble. The shepherd’s voice can be risky to listen to over here.
What if he tells me he’s disappointed?
What if he gives me more tasks when I already feel overwhelmed?
What if he puts another thing, another person, another people group on my mind? Reminds me of another need in what feels like an ocean of neediness around us?
And at the bottom of it all…
What if he asks more of me than I can give? Or maybe if I’m truly honest.. what if he asks more of me than I want to give?
Just like the chai, I struggle to crave His voice as I know I should.
This usually drives me to a place of shame and pushes me to dive further into the dishes, diapers, organizing the 14th junk drawer, deep cleaning the fridge, or (when I feel ambitious) tackling the mountain of unanswered Whatsapp messages.
But just like the chai, I know when I sit and savor it.. it’s so good. It takes effort to make. No drive throughs here. I’ll have to boil the water, measure the leaves, the sugar, grind the spices, peel the ginger, add the milk, and strain the whole thing. For a little cup that will only last a couple of minutes.
Maybe just like the chai it takes a little more effort in this place and in this season to dig in with the Lord. No babysitters, no quiet coffee shops, no quality highlighters… add in the neighbors roaming our yard, the horns beeping for gates to be opened, and the multiplied time suck of cooking, cleaning, and managing a home and a team of foreigners… It’s a miracle to get a peaceful mental moment let alone clearing my brain space long enough to try and interpret words and stories that feel contextually close, but somehow also far away from my to-do list. But my heart craves this, even if it’s tried to run to other things to fill a gorge with small buckets of water rather than a fountain of living water that’s promised to me. The Good Shepherd is the one whom my soul craves and loves. Even small doses of time in his presence as his face shines upon me, can keep me afloat.
To be honest, I still haven’t made the chai. I sat down to write this instead. And therein lies the sticking point.